Wednesday, May 25, 2016

It has been so long..

It has been so long that I haven't even thought about my blog in years
It has been so long that it is no longer a temporary break
It has been so long that it seems my blog is back from the dead
It has been so long that my blog feels like a stranger to me
Or worse, a friend who is now a stranger, which is the saddest thing ever 

Are these really my posts?
Did I actually write all this?
What had I been thinking then?
What had been going through my head?

I am back to a friend I had abandoned
I am back to make amends
and guess what?
Coming back and writing feels just like breathing.
It is like the time in between never was.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Exam Time

Dear Student,

So it is that time of the year eh? That time of the year when you wish you had attended all lectures, paid attention during the ones you had attended, made notes and so on. Yes, well no use crying over curdled milk.

Let me tell you a few things. I have been there, done that. You will probably stay up and study all night. Consume copious amounts of coffee or tea. You will maybe sleep for an hour and wake up disgruntled and disoriented due to sleep deprivation. Chances are, they will ask questions in the exam, that you were sure won't come and hence hadn't studied for. You will come home, catch up on sleep, wake up when the day is almost over, waste some time and the cycle will continue till the end of exams.

But, you should consider this as well. If it is an important exam, you will leave your place early. But alas! If you have your own vehicle, you will be stuck in traffic. Pedestrians will jump in front of your vehicle and show their palms to you, inviting you to talk to their hand. You will have no choice but to stop and let them pass. Not to mention the signals. They will always be red. You might think you will make it to the turn before the light turns red, but that is an illusion. The signal will always be red when it is your turn. If you are having a particularly bad day, then the signal will turn red just when you are about to cross it. It will be worse if you are going to use public transport. The buses and trains will be so crowded that you will think that you will die due to asphyxiation. You will never find a rickshaw or a cab willing to take you to the examination hall. You will even forget stationery at home. You might even forget or lose your hall ticket if you are the Chosen One.

You won't do as well as you expect to in your exams obviously. You will make promises of being sincere in studies for the next round of exams. But the promise is as sincere as you were with your studies this time. There will always be someone to stalk on Facebook, someone to follow on Twitter. There will always be the thrill of the challenge to cram as much as possible in the last minute. This thrill will always be too tempting for you to overpower.

You will start praying frantically as the results are due. These prayers will generally be answered. Although, if you had maybe failed in a couple of subjects, this cycle would have been broken. But alas! The results are here. You passed. You scored less than you expected, but that's alright. That isn't so bad. This is when you start forgetting the promise you had made to yourself during exams. Who needs sincerity, when you can manage just fine without being sincere?

You have been warned. It is not my job to make you feel better. It is my job to mess up your plans. It is my job to make matters worse. It is my job to add to your agony. I am not a sadist. I do not enjoy torturing you. It is just my job. In fact, it is my law.

Yours sincerely,

Monday, September 12, 2011

Being atheist

So. You are an atheist eh? Do you claim this in front of your parents as well or only your peers?

Food for thought? Courtesy: Very Demotivational Posters
Which one of the following lines do you agree with?

1. I don’t believe in religion.

2. I don’t know if God exists.

3. I don’t care if God exists.

4. I don’t believe in God.

You are an atheist only if your answer was 4.

If you don’t believe in religion, you are just not religious. If you don’t know or don’t care if God exists, then you are agnostic. There is a huge difference between saying, ‘I don’t care if God exists, I don’t believe in him’ and saying, ‘I don’t believe in God.’

In recent years , the number of people claiming to be atheists has risen. The reasons remain dubious though. How many of them are truly atheists? Your guess is as good as mine.

When youngsters claim to be atheists, their parents try to discourage them, send them on guilt trips, force them to attend religious events ( I know a friend who was forced to chant verses from the Gita in his missionary school when he told his parents he wasn’t a believer.) and if all this fails, then they dismiss it as a rebellious phase.

Being an atheist is not a walk in the park. For one, people don’t take you seriously if you are young. If God forbid (pun intended), you are taken seriously, then you have to face disapproval from all sides. Parents, people and general society. They treat you with a condescending attitude and say ‘May God bless you’ to you whenever you meet. Not to mention feeling like an outcast during each and every religious festival.

I almost agree with this line I came across on Facebook : ” Being an atheist today, is like being homosexual in the 1980s”.

But this is just the others’ reaction. What about you yourself? Can you accept the fact that there is no superior being watching over you? Can you live with the fact that there will be no Judgement Day? No Big Brother to right all wrongs? No 72 virgins waiting for you? People like the idea of faith. They need something or someone to believe in. To depend on. God is the most common object of dependence for people. Here is an excerpt from a Mitch Albom book which I read recently.

The rabbi is talking about his doctor, who was an atheist.

“I had a doctor once who was an atheist.”

“This doctor, he liked to jab me and my beliefs…(irrelevant stuff).”

“Anyhow, one day, I read in the paper that his brother had died. So I made a condolence call.”

“So I go to his house, and he sees me. I can tell he is upset. I tell him I am sorry for his loss. And he says , with an angry face, ‘I envy you’.

‘Why do you envy me?’, I asked.”

“‘Because when you lose someone you love, you can curse God. You can yell. You can blame him. You can demand to know why. But I don’t believe in God. I’m a doctor! and I couldn’t help my brother!’.”

“He was near tears. ‘ Who do I blame?’ he kept asking me. ‘There is no God. I can only blame myself.’ ”

This is worse than an unanswered prayer. It is far more comforting to think God listened and said no than to think that nobody’s out there.

Because of religious warfare, people have started renouncing God instead of renouncing religion. God might not be a creation of religion. Religion might have been created to define God. There again is the difference.

I think people cannot be trusted to do the right thing. That is why we don’t have anarchy. People don’t understand the concept of live and LET LIVE. That is why we have religion. I think religion was invented with the aim of guiding the people to understand the difference between right and wrong through the medium of God who is portrayed as an omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent being. Earlier people feared Him and did what was said in the scriptures. Now the purpose of religion has changed. It’s interpretation has changed. It has become a factor of your identity. It has become a cause of war. To top it all, science came in to put God’s existence in doubt.

But you know what this means? It means the people who introduced the concept of religion were the original atheists. Ironic eh?

P.S.: I just wished they’d had some foresight.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

A leap of faith

I have been travelling for a month now. So this is one of the incidents that happened during one of these trips.

I found myself at this deserted bridge. I don't seem to recollect what brought me there. I had heard tales of people jumping off this bridge. Of people who chose to run away forever from their troubles than facing them. All in all it was a morbid place. Exactly like a place you wouldn't find me in.

But the reasons didn't matter. I found myself walking towards the centre of the bridge as if in a trance. The past didn't matter. The future didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the next few moments which would require me to be my bravest. I slowed down as I neared the edge of the bridge. I slowed down as much as I could. My footsteps started dragging. Even as I shuffled, the edge loomed nearer and nearer. And beyond the edge, the free fall. Each step brought me closer.

6 steps to go...
I felt my heartbeat increasing.

5 steps to go...
I never thought I had acrophobia. So, I had no explanations for the sudden vertigo.

4 steps to go...
I have no idea, why I felt as if I were walking to the gallows. I haven't commited any crime yet that would lead me there.

3 steps to go...
I think I started hearing voices in my head. Conflicting voices. Some questioning my sanity. Others encouraging me to take a leap of faith.

2 steps to go...
I never thought I would hear voices in my head and the fact that I would consider that the least of my worries. Then again, being a couple of steps away from the edge of a bridge changes your priorities.

1 step to go...
My feet falter. I didn't think I could do it. I turned around. Despising myself for being a wuss.

Suddenly, I saw my cousin waiting where I had been just 5 minutes back. All the 6 steps I described earlier took maybe 45 seconds. But life seems to slow down when you are about to make important life-changing decisions.

So coming back to my cousin. To say I was very surprised would be an understatement because he is supposed to be in Germany on his research internship till July. So, I couldn't for the life of me figure out, what he was doing on the bridge. Holding a pair of my nike sneakers. As I saw the logo, I remembered the nike tag line as if from another life. 'Just Do It.' My cousin worded what my shoes were telling me. 'Just Do It.'

I made the choice. With a huge smile on my face I turned around and took the last step decisively. I hurriedly leapt from the bridge. Hurriedly because I wanted to get to the part where I yelled Tom Petty's 'Free Falling', while bungee jumping. Hurriedly because as soon as I saw my cousin there, I realised in my dream that I was dreaming.

My dream of going bungee jumping and screaming 'Free Falling' is still a dream. Sigh.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Of Dreams and Surprises

I find it very difficult to express my feelings by spoken words or even written words. So, you might have noticed, this blog mostly contains impersonal posts. But something happened yesterday. I just HAVE to blog about it. I turned 21. Big deal? HELL YES!

I never ever make plans for my birthday. I don't even celebrate them most of the time. Just go out with parents or something. Last year, I was working. Well, yesterday started the same way. I was asleep before it was midnight. My morning started with my dad's call waking me up. My birthday present - Nokia E71. Since, everyone feels charitable on their birthdays, I dropped my brother to his class. This was followed by lunch with my parents, aunt and cousin. My parents and aunt were going out in the evening, so I was supposed to have dinner with my brother and my cousin. This birthday was turning out to be bad. First, my girls at A D Bawla had their exams, so I couldn't visit them. Now, my parents were going out. Usually, at least, my family is around. On top of it, I even got sick. I couldn't meet my best friend, because she had her exams.One silver lining was my friend Priyanka's visit. We danced just like the old time. Soon, she also left, saying she had her mid sems and that her mother was expecting her home. My phone wasn't working and when my parents left, my aunt took my phone by mistake. I wanted to go to Dynasty for dinner, but my brother had his homework and by the time it was done, it was too late to go anywhere but McDonalds. I'd got a dress for myself for my college farewell and it got cancelled. So I decided to wear that dress and my slutty 4-inch heels to McDonalds. To hell with the fashion police.

When I got ready, the doorbell rang and I see my three best friends in college standing there. Abhishika, Shweta and Rajeshree and Abhishika's brother Aditya. Abhishika is the aforementioned best friend. They brought cake. They also got me a beautiful keychain for my guitar and 3 more dogs for my canine collection. I now have 9 dogs. They also got me a frame for my glasses, because the ones I currently wear have a broken frame and I have been meaning to get the frame changed. See, why I love them?

So, now suddenly my brother says he will complete his homework later. So, I realised he had been waiting for my friends to arrive. Already in a better mood, my mood improved when my cousin returned home with my cell. All of us and my neighbour Charlie left for McDonalds. When we reached the station, I called up Abhishika to ask where she had reached. She comes up with something lame like " hey, you go on towards McDonalds. Our rickshaw broke down and we can't find any other rickshaw. So we are walking. You go on ahead." On the way, I almost fell down the stairs. Typical clumsy me.

When we reached McDonalds, my brother and my cousin start acting weird. They kept insisting on a table inside. Right before I went inside, I saw this huge grin on my brother's face. At the door, I saw all my friends waiting for me. I was greeted with spiderman spray on my face, hair and dress. Before I could get my bearings, they started singing the birthday song. Yes, I don't know what to do when they sing Happy Birthday either, so I started looking around to see who had come. I saw my friends Rajeshree and Abhishika with other college friends : Akshat, Ankita, Gaurav, Sandy, Aniket, Rohan, Saideep, Dipesh, Abhishek. Madhura and Aditi came in later. I saw my school friends : Priyanka, Shreya, Maitri, Vritika, Geenisha and Ramesh. I saw my cousins: Siddhi and Harsh. Satish came with me and my other two cousins, Sagar and Siddharth came in later. I saw my friend Monil and my MAD friends : Ashish, Karthik, Tanmay, Pari, Ronak and Smriti.

This was beyond my wildest imaginations. Certainly beyond what I deserve. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I hugged each and every one of them and the party started! It had always been my dream to dance on top of the table. I did that yesterday. Twice. Forgot the first song, but the second time, I was accompanied by Priyanka for the Las Ketchup song. I wasn't drunk while doing that, so I remember and will always remember what I did. It had also been my dream to be with all my friends at one place at one time, some day. I hope you get the drift about the title now. What a combination of my favourite people and my favourite food! The best part was, everyone seemed to be enjoying. I didn't have to divide my attention between different sections. It was so cool. I got a shoe-shaped pendant and one more pendant, a huge box of chocolates, more chocolates, a mug to replace my broken Manchester United one, crazy nail paints for me to experiment. My school friends made placards which said something nice about me. These are already on the softboard on my desk. Here's what they said:

Priyanka: Hey amla, Hope you always get what you want in life. Right now it is to
become a great Pilot.
Shreya: I like you because you saw me without make up and you didn't scream.

Maitri: Sorry, couldn't write anything for you because it needs a brain and I'm like you, BRAINLESS. Advice: please park your bike at the right place.

Geenisha: My dear childhood friend, you have been with me since our Mahabaleshwar trip till our Hyderabad trip. It is amazing seeing you succeed so well in life and will soon see you flying in air!!!

Vritika: Dear Lani, never seen a crazier, funnier and sweeter person than you.

Dear Daryl, Simmi and Minesh Jiju : Thank you so much for the cards. I love cards and have carefully preserved every card that I have received till date.
PS: Minesh jiju, Liverpool still sucks donkey balls.

Dear Kunal, thank you so much for that letter. It means a LOT to me.

Dear Abhishika, thank you for everything. You are the best thing that has happened to me.

Dear Madhura, thanks for singing the song.

Dear anonymous sender, you crazy fellow! You sent me an original Scholes jersey and won't even accept my gratitude for it. If that's what you want, I won't pursue the subject though I think I have a very good idea who you are.

Every one, just thank you so much for making this the best day of my life so far. Who the hell needs booze to do crazy stuff, when you already have crazy people like these!

PS : I shall put up the photographs here too.

Monday, August 2, 2010


I'm sure you must have seen the new fastrack logo on the hoardings. My cousin recently pointed out to me that people around us swear so much. It is expected while driving or during fights, but these days, you have everyone is college saying 'fuck!' or going 'WTF' everytime they utter an exclamation. We also have the wannabes going ' What the eff' which sounds as if a pansy just uttered it in a shrill voice followed by a flick of his wrist. In fact the word 'fuck' is so common that a while back, I used to get an sms about the versatility of the word. It indicates disgust, surprise, anger, exasperation and so on. What happened to good ol' 'shit' or Stan-like 'Oh my God!'? Now even Oh my God has evolved into 'oh my fucking God'. There was even a controversy back in 2001 when French Connection started labelling their products as fcuk. So much noise just because fcuk looked like fuck. So I wonder what the controversy creating hippies might be thinking right now, or if they are dead, would it be amusing to watch them somersaulting in their graves. Incidentally the word 'somersault' has french connections. Just saying.

A few posts back , I had mentioned that I'm a stickler for grammar and spellings. So while I was trying to blame it all on Wikipedia for teaching people how to swear in WikiHow, I noticed that fastrack was spelt as I spelt it 7 words back. Shouldn't it be fasttrack? Like Thumbs-up and not Thums-Up?

So, yesterday night I was thinking about this because I met my aforementioned cousin yesterday too. I remembered a crap song from a crap movie called 'Bride and Prejudice'. Yeah, these things happen to me. The song goes 'NO life, without wife, oh yeah yeah yeah..'. Somewhere in the middle, Aishwariya mentions why she had to settle for Abhishek Bachchan as a husband. She goes something like 'I want a husband who looks at me and not my rack' and her actions while singing that particular line made me look up the word 'rack'. I looked up the word on Urban Dictionary today too just to confirm that I have an awesome memeory.

Anyway when I typed 'rack', heres what Urban had to say:

1. rack 1426 up, 103 down
set of breasts

She has a nice rack
by Ben Nov 29, 2001 share this

2. rack 727 up, 117 down
a rather large set of boobs that are fun to stare at.

Dude, i can just sit here and stare at her nice rack all day
by superbuddy Apr 10, 2003 share this

3. rack 505 up, 72 down
slang term for a rather larger pair of woman's breasts that men usually stare at

Wow, look at her, she's got a nice rack!
by Cockaloockle Mar 17, 2005 share this

Ummmm...I wonder if the namekeepers at Titan fastrack did that on purpose. French Connection did it. So why not Fastrack, which on its official site is described as : "Fastrack as a brand has always been restless like the swearing youth it caters to". Ok I added the swearing part. But I am appalled at their lack of slang knowledge.

Also, here's something totally unrelated.
I watched that ad where Kareena strips in an office so that her clothes match the laptop in her hand which changes colours like a traffic signal. First people wanted the trendiest clothes, then trendiest shoes, trendiest accessories, trendiest phones, trendiest scooties and now trendiest laptops. Why don't they want trendiest umbrellas? They would make a nice fashion statement, in my opinon as always. Imagine, a yellow umbrella to go with my yellow belt, or an umbrella with nice polka dots to go with my dress, or an umbrella with a whistle for my driver. The possibilities are endless.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Observations - Part 2

Sometimes when I have nothing better to do, I go and watch the most pathetic movies out at the time. So, I have watched Tashan, Pyar Impossible, Drona, Love Story 2050 and all post-Yess Boss SRK movies. Needless to say, I really appeciate good movies now.

Back to the title, on one such I-had-nothing-to-do boring day, I accompanied a couple of my friends to watch Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi...

10 minutes into the movie had me thinking that I should really find work. I started observing other more interestig things around me like the amount of time it took for the air-conditioner flap to swing in my direction again and whether the person sitting behind me was picking his nose according to the movement of the actors on the screen.

During an emotional dialogue between Shah Rukh and Vinay Pathak, I realised there was another emotional dialogue going on in the row ahead of mine. I could here 2 voices speaking. Here's the gist of the conversation I shamelessly overheard.

Shrill voice: Oh Bother! This is such a waste of time and money.
*I nodded vigourously at this*

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: Yes. Such a waste.
*I nodded vigourously again*

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: At least you have a rich dad.*sighs* The money won't be a problem with you.
*I DIDN'T sigh*

Shrill voice: Now where did that come from? Money is money. Just because you have it doesn't mean you have to waste it. In fact, I value it more, because it's not mine.

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: huh?

3rd Voice: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: Don't you use that shrill tone with me! Just because you have a rich father does not mean you are queen Victoria..

4th Voice: Actually it is queen Elizabeth II now....

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: Everytime you do this. You look down on the rest of us mortals. I am sick of it!

Shrill voice: Hey, are you on medication or something? What is wrong with you? Where did that come from?

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: You are always showing off. New bag, new watch, new shoes! So, you come from a rich family. BIG DEAL!


Shrill voice: That's not fair. I never show off. I just reply when I am asked if it is a new watch or a shoe or bag. It is my bloody choice. If I want a new bag, I won't not buy it just because it hurts your delicate ego. And I have had it with your ' your dad is rich' monotone. You say it as if it is something dirty. My dad worked hard all his life. If he has made money, he deserves it. It's not as if he won it in a lottery or stole it from someone. And why shouldn't I use the money? He made the money to use it. Not store it in a vault. It's not as if I am burning it. Control your resentment and jealousy. It's not a sin to have money.

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: Shown your true colours haven't you? I knew it! I knew you were a snob. *Storms out*

Shrilll voice: Now this is ridiculous. *Storms out too*

4th Voice: He must have broken up with his girlfriend recently.

I went back to the boring movie.

By the way, you just assumed they were 2 girls fighting right? Come on now, be honest. And it is ok to overhear conversations which are unavoidable. It's not as if you are going to blackmail the speakers with what you overheard. Also, such conversations make you think. Shrill voice had a point. Many such people are made out to be jerks because of other bitter and jealous people.