Monday, August 2, 2010


I'm sure you must have seen the new fastrack logo on the hoardings. My cousin recently pointed out to me that people around us swear so much. It is expected while driving or during fights, but these days, you have everyone is college saying 'fuck!' or going 'WTF' everytime they utter an exclamation. We also have the wannabes going ' What the eff' which sounds as if a pansy just uttered it in a shrill voice followed by a flick of his wrist. In fact the word 'fuck' is so common that a while back, I used to get an sms about the versatility of the word. It indicates disgust, surprise, anger, exasperation and so on. What happened to good ol' 'shit' or Stan-like 'Oh my God!'? Now even Oh my God has evolved into 'oh my fucking God'. There was even a controversy back in 2001 when French Connection started labelling their products as fcuk. So much noise just because fcuk looked like fuck. So I wonder what the controversy creating hippies might be thinking right now, or if they are dead, would it be amusing to watch them somersaulting in their graves. Incidentally the word 'somersault' has french connections. Just saying.

A few posts back , I had mentioned that I'm a stickler for grammar and spellings. So while I was trying to blame it all on Wikipedia for teaching people how to swear in WikiHow, I noticed that fastrack was spelt as I spelt it 7 words back. Shouldn't it be fasttrack? Like Thumbs-up and not Thums-Up?

So, yesterday night I was thinking about this because I met my aforementioned cousin yesterday too. I remembered a crap song from a crap movie called 'Bride and Prejudice'. Yeah, these things happen to me. The song goes 'NO life, without wife, oh yeah yeah yeah..'. Somewhere in the middle, Aishwariya mentions why she had to settle for Abhishek Bachchan as a husband. She goes something like 'I want a husband who looks at me and not my rack' and her actions while singing that particular line made me look up the word 'rack'. I looked up the word on Urban Dictionary today too just to confirm that I have an awesome memeory.

Anyway when I typed 'rack', heres what Urban had to say:

1. rack 1426 up, 103 down
set of breasts

She has a nice rack
by Ben Nov 29, 2001 share this

2. rack 727 up, 117 down
a rather large set of boobs that are fun to stare at.

Dude, i can just sit here and stare at her nice rack all day
by superbuddy Apr 10, 2003 share this

3. rack 505 up, 72 down
slang term for a rather larger pair of woman's breasts that men usually stare at

Wow, look at her, she's got a nice rack!
by Cockaloockle Mar 17, 2005 share this

Ummmm...I wonder if the namekeepers at Titan fastrack did that on purpose. French Connection did it. So why not Fastrack, which on its official site is described as : "Fastrack as a brand has always been restless like the swearing youth it caters to". Ok I added the swearing part. But I am appalled at their lack of slang knowledge.

Also, here's something totally unrelated.
I watched that ad where Kareena strips in an office so that her clothes match the laptop in her hand which changes colours like a traffic signal. First people wanted the trendiest clothes, then trendiest shoes, trendiest accessories, trendiest phones, trendiest scooties and now trendiest laptops. Why don't they want trendiest umbrellas? They would make a nice fashion statement, in my opinon as always. Imagine, a yellow umbrella to go with my yellow belt, or an umbrella with nice polka dots to go with my dress, or an umbrella with a whistle for my driver. The possibilities are endless.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Observations - Part 2

Sometimes when I have nothing better to do, I go and watch the most pathetic movies out at the time. So, I have watched Tashan, Pyar Impossible, Drona, Love Story 2050 and all post-Yess Boss SRK movies. Needless to say, I really appeciate good movies now.

Back to the title, on one such I-had-nothing-to-do boring day, I accompanied a couple of my friends to watch Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi...

10 minutes into the movie had me thinking that I should really find work. I started observing other more interestig things around me like the amount of time it took for the air-conditioner flap to swing in my direction again and whether the person sitting behind me was picking his nose according to the movement of the actors on the screen.

During an emotional dialogue between Shah Rukh and Vinay Pathak, I realised there was another emotional dialogue going on in the row ahead of mine. I could here 2 voices speaking. Here's the gist of the conversation I shamelessly overheard.

Shrill voice: Oh Bother! This is such a waste of time and money.
*I nodded vigourously at this*

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: Yes. Such a waste.
*I nodded vigourously again*

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: At least you have a rich dad.*sighs* The money won't be a problem with you.
*I DIDN'T sigh*

Shrill voice: Now where did that come from? Money is money. Just because you have it doesn't mean you have to waste it. In fact, I value it more, because it's not mine.

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: huh?

3rd Voice: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: Don't you use that shrill tone with me! Just because you have a rich father does not mean you are queen Victoria..

4th Voice: Actually it is queen Elizabeth II now....

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: Everytime you do this. You look down on the rest of us mortals. I am sick of it!

Shrill voice: Hey, are you on medication or something? What is wrong with you? Where did that come from?

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: You are always showing off. New bag, new watch, new shoes! So, you come from a rich family. BIG DEAL!


Shrill voice: That's not fair. I never show off. I just reply when I am asked if it is a new watch or a shoe or bag. It is my bloody choice. If I want a new bag, I won't not buy it just because it hurts your delicate ego. And I have had it with your ' your dad is rich' monotone. You say it as if it is something dirty. My dad worked hard all his life. If he has made money, he deserves it. It's not as if he won it in a lottery or stole it from someone. And why shouldn't I use the money? He made the money to use it. Not store it in a vault. It's not as if I am burning it. Control your resentment and jealousy. It's not a sin to have money.

2nd Can't-place-it's-tone voice: Shown your true colours haven't you? I knew it! I knew you were a snob. *Storms out*

Shrilll voice: Now this is ridiculous. *Storms out too*

4th Voice: He must have broken up with his girlfriend recently.

I went back to the boring movie.

By the way, you just assumed they were 2 girls fighting right? Come on now, be honest. And it is ok to overhear conversations which are unavoidable. It's not as if you are going to blackmail the speakers with what you overheard. Also, such conversations make you think. Shrill voice had a point. Many such people are made out to be jerks because of other bitter and jealous people.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

When a friend dies.....

Note: Hey, if you are expecting the usual sarcastic nonsense, please skip this one. It is neither sarcastic nor nonsensical , though it may appear nonsensical to you.

This one is personal.

When your friend dies....
Your first reaction is disbelief which stays on in varying degrees of intensity.
Then comes the anger and the frustration. Why was the friend taken from you? Was it somehow your fault? Could you have stopped it from happening? The disbelief is still there of course, which makes you ask these questions in the first place.
You keep calling the friend on their cell. Of course, the friend doesn't answer.
You wonder, if perhaps the friend is angry at you.
You check his social networking profiles.
Nothing has changed much there.
Disbelief is waning. Fear sets in. Maybe the friend is really not coming back. Ever.
You try calling and messaging again with as much success as your previous try.
The fear is overwhelming now.
You replay the memories. Disbelief intensifies.
How can it stop this way?
No explanations.
No chance for a farewell.
You lose the dolphin around your neck. The dolphin, which was the symbol of your friendship. The dolphin you wore around your neck for 3 years.
This confirms it more than the death certificate of the friend.
WIth this finality, you start accepting it.
Now, comes the big task of moving on. Cherising the memories and moving on.
Moving on...............

The first thing you do, in the process of moving on is BLOG about it!!
Moving on..
Who am I kidding?

PS: Steve Irwin said, it was ok to cry. But when the tears stop, you start moving on. But how to you start moving on, when the tears don't come at all?

Monday, March 29, 2010

Global Shaving v/s Global Warming

Note: The following post has been written in a phase of extreme boredom and this idea appears brilliant to me right now. I don't know if it will remain so in my sane moments.

Will lead to....

Summer is here. Already. No late winter like late monsoon. Sigh. Also, if it is so hot in March itself, I shudder to think how how it will be in May. I shudder more at the thought of writing exams for three hours in the aforementioned hot May. I shudder even more at the thought of writing my last paper which is totally theory in the aforementioned hot May for the aforementioned three hours. And to make matters worse, my hair is such that it doesn't matter if I tie up or let it lose. Tresses always escape from my ponytail or bun or whatever other shape I have used to tame my hair. And pins give me a terrible headache. So, lets not even go there. So, my hair turns into a huge pain in the ass during summers. This time I am so fed up, I am considering to go bald like someone who did go bald for the same reason.

I asked a couple of my friends if it would be too mental or I would be hailed as a trendsetter of my generation. I don't give a hoot either way. But the common reaction was that men find it alarming when women start going bald. Take Shabana Azmi or Demi Moore, while their dedication to their roles was appreciated, they did look a bit alarming. So, judging by their reacton, I just went on a fantasizing spree.

Imagine, girls and women all over started going bald after being fed up of the heat. It would be an alarming site, ne c'est pas? After all, hair is the second most distinctive feature of females. The first one is irrelevant here, so has been duly ignored. We could use this to start a movement to combat Global Warming.

We can put up slogan's like
"If you like your women with hair, stop global warming NOW."

"*Next to a picture of a bald woman* Your wife/daughter/sister/girlfriend could be next"

"No more fiesty redheads unless you do something about the fiery heat"

"You need to beat the heat to stop globalding"

"No more blonde jokes everyone loves because there will be no more blondes. Save the blondes to inspire your sense of humour. All you have to do is stop global warming"

"We bet you didn't mean this when you said you like women who shave "

Ok. I think I will stop now. All this heat must have gone to my head. But think about it. What would you want? Globalding or Global warming?

Monday, February 22, 2010


This is the story of a girl who hated being stereotyped and who was stereotyped at every attempt she made at being different:

When she was born, she was exposed to all the things a girl might like. Pink, dolls, miniature kitchen sets.. She liked them all. She developed a liking for reading, so was introduced to fairy tales. They said, " She's a typical girl".

She grew up, became an older sibling when she was 4. She started noticing her brother's toys. Was fascinated with cars, bats, balls. She started getting bored with all the pots and pans. Cycling was the thing. Outdoors beckoned. Her likes followed her to school. She hated shopping and preferred to watch sports. They labelled her a 'typical tomboy'.

She reached her teenage. She insisted on wearing comfortable clothes instead of the ones in vogue at that time. She defended equal rights for both genders. Took offense whenever someone dismissed others' driving skills as ' like a typical woman's '. She refused to follow the set conventions for women. They said " Ahh, another feminist " when she remained headstrong and fiercely independent.

She is now at the verge of leaving her teenage years behind. She still loves pink. Still likes fairy tales and still hates shopping, and gossiping. Still enjoys sports more. She still believes in gender equality, still fiercely independent. She doesn't like being pampered. Hates flowers and chocolate. She prefers to pay the bill. Doesn't like to alter her appearance according to what people tell her. Yes, she has now become a typical Alpha-Woman.

Even in the desire to be different from everyone else, she is no different from the rest.

Moral of the story : No matter what you do, you will be stereotyped, because people like to define things. They fear what they don't understand. They try to make it an outcast. They would rather create new categories for defining things that don't come under the predefined categories than accepting them as different.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The Lesser Catastrophe

Those of you, who know me personally might have discovered that I am quite a spelling and a grammar nazi. So much that I feel like screaming my guts out when someone uses a verb in the past tense after "did" or "didn't". Considering I am not much of a screamer, I think I have OCD.

My brother's English paper read "comprehension, grammEr and writing skills"!! And then since the 1st standard I guess, we have been taught that the plural of hair is hair and not hairs. Wren and Martin say the same. Then they also go on to advise that 'grey hairs should be respected.' Same is the case with fish and deer. While, I don't hear deers often, I hear about fishes everywhere. I even read about different types of fishes in my Biology textbook. Oh, but childrens, that is not why I am writing this post.

Today I would like to single out my wrath on 'lesser'. Quite how the trend started to use the word, I don't know. But my Readers' Digest Dictionary says 'lesser' doesn't exist. Urban Dictionary is of the same opinion. When less itself is a comparative degree of little, ( little > less > least ), where does lesser come from? Choose the lesser of the two evils, Children of a lesser God, your marks are even lesser than the previous test. It gets on my nerves so much! I had to endure it during my HSC classes.

Bah, I am not a snob nor do I want to give the impression that I am one. But this is just the way I feel. I mean some people feel the same, when they see a mess around them. They can't stand it and they go about cleaning it. If I point out the mistakes, the most common reaction is 'Haan, Haan , we know you know better English than us. Please spare us the tutorial' What's a poor nazi to do?

Ok. Rant over. Next time maybe I will go on to direct my wrath to 'anyways'. But not now.

On an unrelated note,
Layman's view :
Roger Federer rules.
Manchester United rules.
Sachin Tendulkar rules.

Expert Opinion :
After comparing the statistics for the past few years, we have to admit that Federer maybe one of the greatest tennis players of all time. In other words, Federer rules.

Rule, rule United; Glory Glory Man Utd; In other words Man Utd rules. (biased but a true opinion)

Sachin is probably the greatest player of all time. On field and off it too. Sachin rules. Duh.

Why be an expert when you know all the important truths of life? Ok another truth is that I have exams from Monday. Got to study. Bye!