Wednesday, June 15, 2011

A leap of faith

I have been travelling for a month now. So this is one of the incidents that happened during one of these trips.

I found myself at this deserted bridge. I don't seem to recollect what brought me there. I had heard tales of people jumping off this bridge. Of people who chose to run away forever from their troubles than facing them. All in all it was a morbid place. Exactly like a place you wouldn't find me in.

But the reasons didn't matter. I found myself walking towards the centre of the bridge as if in a trance. The past didn't matter. The future didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the next few moments which would require me to be my bravest. I slowed down as I neared the edge of the bridge. I slowed down as much as I could. My footsteps started dragging. Even as I shuffled, the edge loomed nearer and nearer. And beyond the edge, the free fall. Each step brought me closer.

6 steps to go...
I felt my heartbeat increasing.

5 steps to go...
I never thought I had acrophobia. So, I had no explanations for the sudden vertigo.

4 steps to go...
I have no idea, why I felt as if I were walking to the gallows. I haven't commited any crime yet that would lead me there.

3 steps to go...
I think I started hearing voices in my head. Conflicting voices. Some questioning my sanity. Others encouraging me to take a leap of faith.

2 steps to go...
I never thought I would hear voices in my head and the fact that I would consider that the least of my worries. Then again, being a couple of steps away from the edge of a bridge changes your priorities.

1 step to go...
My feet falter. I didn't think I could do it. I turned around. Despising myself for being a wuss.

Suddenly, I saw my cousin waiting where I had been just 5 minutes back. All the 6 steps I described earlier took maybe 45 seconds. But life seems to slow down when you are about to make important life-changing decisions.

So coming back to my cousin. To say I was very surprised would be an understatement because he is supposed to be in Germany on his research internship till July. So, I couldn't for the life of me figure out, what he was doing on the bridge. Holding a pair of my nike sneakers. As I saw the logo, I remembered the nike tag line as if from another life. 'Just Do It.' My cousin worded what my shoes were telling me. 'Just Do It.'

I made the choice. With a huge smile on my face I turned around and took the last step decisively. I hurriedly leapt from the bridge. Hurriedly because I wanted to get to the part where I yelled Tom Petty's 'Free Falling', while bungee jumping. Hurriedly because as soon as I saw my cousin there, I realised in my dream that I was dreaming.

My dream of going bungee jumping and screaming 'Free Falling' is still a dream. Sigh.