Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Random Talks

I have got a lot of tolerence in my nucleotides. But sometimes there are people whom you meet who make you regret not wearing a wig. Yeah well, wig because when you pull your real hair in frustration, it hurts. A lot. And then the world comes to know of the well-hidden dandruff and lice in your scalp too. So moral of the story invest in a wig. Be safe and fake-haired rather than letting the world know you share your hair with blood-sucking ticks because you can't avoid meeting these particular category of people. They just exist like cats do. I had the misfortune to encounter such a specimen in my college last year,(*drops to knees thanking the Authority for sending him to another college now*) who was a total narcissist. So after getting your brain banged within your skull listening about the innards of an earthworm and waiting for your mate by the gate in the burning sun, Bam enter the narcissist. ( for the sake of laziness to type narcissist again and again lets us refer to him as CNFTS in short for College Narcissist From Twelfth Standard ). So while you are waiting for your friend this CNFTS starts ranting about the uber cool date he had the previous night which involved roses,candlelight,soft music in the background ( * passes out thinking about the amount of corn involved* ), and the cycle goes on. You attend Physics and learn all about Electromagnetic Induction and again wait for your friend by the gate and this time CNFTS starts off about his celebrity relatives. Now this went on for like 12-15 days in a row ( yeah I told you I was tolerant, and you see i don't like ditching my friends either so i kept waiting by the gate too ) and then suddenly on the 16th day, the sun shone brighter, the trees looked greener, the birds chirped louder...Ok I'll stop. Everything was same except my mood. It was really pissed off. And here's the scene:
I am waitiing by the gate for my nutty mate to come down ( did I mention she was in a different division and her lecture timings were different, so the wait state? anyway, so now you know ) and CNFTS comes and starts. But this time he sees the expression on my face and goes:
CNFTS :Oh so you think I am making all of this up?

Me : No, I can't think at all. Thinking is injurious to health. I read the footnotes in the advertisements on TV.

CNFTS : Huh? So I will prove it to you that I am good. See that girl coming around the corner? I'll chat her up and she will compliment me in front of everyone. So you want to make it a challenge haan? Today you have questioned my intergrity? I cannot stay silent. I will have to give you a suitable reply

( All this was spoken in a shrill voice and by now a few people had gathered around the place too )

Me : WTF? What are you on about?

CNFTS : No you wait and see. I am going to chat up that chick and show it to you that I am good. ( leaves to talk to the random chick by the block. lets call her RCBTBL )

( After a while, when I have forgotten all about the sudden outburst from CNFTS, I hear the RCBTBL burst out laughing )

CNFTS crosses the road like a person who has just found the upper limit of infinity, amid imaginary applause.

CNFTS : See? I told you I was good. Do you know what she thinks of me?

Me : Ummmm. She thinks you are Pillankhrosh Mehta?

CNFTS : What? Who is he? no. She thinks I am cute. That I remind her of a puppy she had in her previous life...

Me : was that puppy called Pillankhrosh? ( * others are controlling their laughter right now* )

CNFTS : NO. So she said I reminded her of her puppy. And that she would like to call me a puppy. Can you imagine? She even said "bye for now, puppy. It was nice talking to you"

( * ok so the viewers can't control their laughter much longer * )

Me : Yeah? So why the hell are you smiling? Dude she just insulted you. what is a puppy? A puppy is nothing but a son of a bitch. She called you a son of a bitch and you thought she was complimenting you? HAHAHAHAHA . Awwww poor baby.

* And I left amid loud applause which wasn't imaginary in my case.*
Then of course I remembered that my friend still hadn't come and so I went back amid the cheers of encore and told my other gate-friends I had made in my wait state to tell my friend that my waiting days were over and again left amid imaginary applause back home.

Note : The incident I narrated didn't actually happen, but I wanted to make up a good story to post that conversation. bah if someone like that bugs me, I don't wait for the imaginary other division friend at all. Just show em the finger and move on. Cheers. I am going to post more such conversations which I had with my brothers and more imaginary ones too. :P