Tuesday, February 17, 2009

April Fool

Yeah. I know it's still mid February and all. Contrary to popular belief, I would like to make it clear that I am NOT suffering from post-Valentine's Day dementia. Nope. It's just that while I was bloghopping some days back, 60% of the blogs had a post on Valentine's Day!( just like me ). I am like " what the hell! 20 days later everyone will write about holi, then examinations, then april fool's day and so on! Why should I wait for April to arrive to let you know what I did last summer?" So well, another post on why you should be celebrating Thanksgiving everyday instead of on every 4th Thursday of November.. since you are not my brother\sister...

Day : 1st April ( well duh, April fool's day ! )

Time : Sometime during the day, when the sky was bright and clear. ( seriously, this was almost a year ago. Did you really expect me to remember the exact time? I mean I know it was 25 minutes and 32 seconds past 5pm, but the exact time? nah! )

Venue : Home

My brother had just returned from school after giving the first paper ( English ) of his annual exam. For the eternal laziness within me protesting against typing out brother everytime I have to mention him let's refer to him as Bap ( Brother After Paper in short )

Me : Hey! How was your paper? Hope it went well.

Bap : Yeah, it went well. What were you doing?

Me : What do you think? Watching aeroplanes. What else?

Bap : *sighs* As always.... Don't you get bored?

Me : Ha ! April Fool. I wasn't watching aeroplaes! I was watching the first officer in the plane make out with an airhostess. hehe. I fooled you!

Bap : MOMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, * enter my name here * is bugging me. Giving me dirty details.....

Me : You know, you just made use of an alliteration! Perfect example!

* Bap glares at me which brings back my broken nose memories *

Me : What? It was your English paper afterall! I thought you were just trying to show of your skills in figures of speech. Oh my God! * covers mouth with hands *, I just complimented you! Thank me now!

* Bap runs away screaming MOMMAAAA again *

sigh... shit happens


Day : NO

Night : April Fool's Nnght. ( Still first of April )

Time : exactly 325 minutes after the aforementioned scene after which my brother sulked for like 30 minutes, then studied for the next day's paper, then ate and was listening to songs on the disc-man, when this happened)

Venue : My bedroom which i share with my Brother Listening to Songs On the Disc-man.( BLSOD for the sake of abbreviations and more importantly convenience )

Me : Dude, I am sorry for today. But I had to fool you at least once. To keep up my reputation you know as the one who fools around even on April Fool's Day.

BLSOD : It's OK * enter nickname you will NEVER hear me utter *. No issues. I overreacted. After sulking for about 1800 seconds, I realised it was pretty cool actually and that I can use the same to fool my friends. Oh and yeah, thank you for complimenting my skills in figures of speech earlier.

* At this time, I am trying to control my laughter at remembering my skills in Hyperbole *

Me : Oh! Good then. All's well that ends well. Or something like that as someone said in the Harry Potter series. I think it was ALbus Percivial Wulfric Brian Dumbledore the First.

* After a few hundred seconds of deep pondering *

Me : Hey!, I am sleepy man. Stop listening to songs on your disc-man.

BLSOD : What the hell! Are you nuts or something? I am using headphones! How can that disturb you! You said you are sleepy right? Just switch off the lights and sleep in peace then. I won't.....What? NO. NOT AGAIN!!

* His outburst consisting of the last four words came after he saw the delightful smirk in my eye and an evil twinkle in my mouth. or vice versa. Whatever. *

Me : I have to say it. I can't resist. APRIL FOOL! HA HA HA. I fooled you again. I am not sleepy at all!

BLSOD : You suck! I am not talking to you till tomorrow morning.

* saying this he switches off the light and goes back to listening to songs. *

I thanked God fervently to have protected me from another broken nose and wondered how come my brother could hear me say anything at all while he was listening to songs on his disc man!

Phew! End.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Enough Red Already!

I hate red colour! Red cars, Red clothes, Red shoes, Red watches, Red roses , Red balloons( especially of the heart shaped variety). I mean come on!! Why would you want to express your love to someone with red balloons ( of heart-shaped variety ) , red roses, T-shirts with big red hearts on them with 'I *heart* U ' written in bold letters just because everyone else is doing the same? Who in turn are doing this just because Archies and Hallmark are telling them to do that? jeez. Talk about blind followers! Better join the group ' A Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women.' on facebook and send a pink chaddi to Mr. Muthalik of the prestigious Ram Sene. Best thing you can do this Love-Day. Oh and yeah, I came across this interesting e-mail about Valentine's Day, which I am copy pasting below. So, make sure you read the above line carefully before you decide to sue me for plagiarism. The e-mail goes this way ...

Valentine's Day- The Real Story

In spite of what you have been told by everyone, the truth is that
Valentine's Day originated hundreds of years ago, in India , and to top it
all, in the state of Gujarat !!!

It is a well known fact that Gujarati men, specially the Patels,
continually mistreat and disrespect their wives (Patelianis). One fine day,
it happened to be the 14th day of February, one brave Patelani, having had
enough "torture" by her husband, finally chose to rebel by beating him up
with a Velan (rolling pin to make chapattis).
Yes....the same Velan which she used daily, to make chapattis for him....
only this time, instead of the dough, it was the husband who was flattened.

This was a momentous occasion for all Gujarati women and a revolt soon
spread, like wild fire, with thousands of housewives beating up their
husbands with the Velan. There was an outburst of moaning "chapatti-ed"
husbands all over Anand and Amdavad.

The Patel men-folk quickly learnt their lesson and started to behave more
respectfully with their Patelanis.
Thereafter, on 14th February every year, the womenfolk of Gujarat would
beat up their husbands, to commemorate that eventful day - the wives having
the satisfaction of beating up their husbands with the Velan and the men
the supreme joy of submitting to the will of the women they loved.

Soon The Gujju men realised that in order to avoid this ordeal they need to
present gifts to their wives....they brought flowers and sweets. This is
how the tradition - Velan time - began.

As Gujarat fell under the influence of Western culture, the ritual soon
spread to Britain and many other Western countries, specifically,the catch
words 'Velan time' !!! In course of time, their foreign tongues, this got
anglisized to 'Velantime' and then to 'Valentine'. And thereafter, 14th of
February, came to be known as Valentine's Day and now you know the true
story of Valentine's day.


PS : I found this original version better than the original version about St Valentine or whatever-his-name. And they should have stuck to the beating part. It sure would have been fun to wake up on V-day and see ladies beating the shit out of their husbands instead of the red turd we see these days. Today's generation * shakes head ruefully * And in a way I'm glad it's V-day on saturday. Gave me inspiration to write hate mail for Love-Day. Ha! Yeah and every fuckin' radio station is celebrating valentine's week. So everytime you surf through stations expecting Coldplay, Eminem and the likes all you get is either Enrique or Atif Aslam.
Phbbbt! At least leave the songs alone!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Oh no! I am back. (*terminator voice*)

Hey there reader. I hope you are alive and well and had a great time in the 2-3 months I was away from my blog. No net. No inspiration. No inclination. No time. Except the first one, all my remaining excuses were lame and not admissible. But the first one was enough. :-|. In the 2 months that I wasn't netically ( umm you know, physically, mentally, netically... you get the drift. ) present, many exciting things happened to me. Opeth concert at iitm, college festival, cleaning of my room (:O yes it's true), Ghajini, Dev D songs and boredom ( but obviously ). Also I am going to write a separate blog post for each and every thing that I mentioned above. Yeah, poor you. Then again I may not. But any attempts on killing my net connection, hacking my blog won't be entertained or welcomed. So well to start on a light note, as I mentioned before, I was cleaning my room. And from some random corner in my room, I found English Balbharti, STD VI. So naturally, I flipped through it and rediscovered this awesome poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson. But before that, let me type it to you, that I am not much of a poem person. I like a very few poems and so I haven't tried my hand at poetry writing either. So, here's the poem before you kill me for stalling so much .. But hey, it's my blog!


Home they brought her warrior dead:
She nor swooned, nor uttered cry:
All her maidens, watching, said,
'She must weep or she will die.'

Then they praised him, soft and low,
Called him worthy to be loved,
Truest friend and noblest foe;
Yet she neither spoke nor moved.

Stole a maiden from her place,
Lightly to the warrior stepped,
Took the face-cloth from the face;
Yet she neither moved nor wept.

Rose a nurse of ninety years,
Set his child upon her knee--
Like summer tempest came her tears--
'Sweet my child, I live for thee.'

- Alfred Lord Tennyson.